If it's all that I can do.

One week before I got on a plane to Cambodia was a complete whirlwind. I still hadn't received confirmation from my boss that the 2 weeks off were approved, I was $450 short- so my trip wasn't even completely paid for, I was packing up my apartment so I would be ready to move when I got home- I didn't even know where I would be moving to, and I interviewed for a job that I never thought I would even apply for! I knew that I was called to go to Cambodia though and I thought, "if this is where God is really calling me to go, then I need trust Him, no matter what!"

There were people in my life who I knew thought I was completely insane for even considering this trip in my situation. I didn't have the vacation time, the money, or the time in the midst of a move. I could lose my job and become homeless at the very same time- a bit dramatic, I know, but this was my reality. There was never a point though, that I ever considered not going to Cambodia. I knew that God was doing something bigger than I could imagine, and all I could do is hang on for the ride. Let me tell you- it was a wild ride and I'm still in awe of what He has done!

2 days before I left, I got an email from my boss that simply said "your time off is approved", my team worked at Nascar for me, where they would be making exactly $450, and my best friend and her husband offered to let me stay with them until I found another place! I was overwhelmed to say the least. All these things were falling into place and I know that none of these were just by coincidence.

The last thing I did before I left, was interview for a position at my church. I had always told myself that the church is the LAST place I would work, even if i was completely desperate! But there I was sitting in the interview anyways. It didn't make a ton of sense to the interviewing Pastor why I would eave a great job in this economy to come work at the church and willingly take a pay cut. The only answer I had was this, "I am great at what I do, but I am not passionate about what I do. I am passionate about Pure and the direction it is going. I believe that God is doing great things in and through Pure and I would be a fool not to take the risk and be a part of it."

I came home from Cambodia and was offered the position! So here i am, 2 weeks into the job and I love it! I wake up every morning excited to come to work- because I know that i would never have accepted this position or even applied for it, but God knows better than me! I am reading "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan and it says this:

"Obsessed people are more concerned with obeying God than doing what is expected or fulfilling the status quo. A person who is obsessed with Jesus will do things that don't always make sense in terms on success or wealth."- Francis Chan

I know that me going to Cambodia and quitting my job doesn't make sense to people, but the reality is that my life shouldnt make sense if I am following Jesus. I'm sure that the when the disciples decided to follow Jesus, there were plenty of people who didnt understand- but they followed anyway. I will trust and obey God if it's all that I can do to give back to this life He has given me.

You first, then me.

I can remember the feeling I had when I was asked to be on Jr. High staff at Hillside when I graduated Highschool. I was so excited and I had so many ideas of what it would be like. I thought I would have a group of girls that loved and adored me and that I would just hang out with them for an hour or two on Sundays and Wednesdays and continue on with my regular life. What I didnt know, was that I would have a rowdy group of girls (much like me and Torrie and that age), who lived to drive me up the walls and constantly wanted my attention. What I didn't know was that I would be at the church everyday prepping for the 2 days a week that we actually had students there. What I didn't know was that I would be in crazy talent shows at camp, that weren't actually showing off any talent at all, but just doing something awful and gross to get a reaction out of students. What I didn't know, was that God was starting something in me, preparing me for my future, and making plans for me that I couldn't even dream of.

I don't think that doing ministry is ever exactly what we expect it to be, mostly because we tend to make our own plans, when God has very different ones. Andrew Murray describes it best in Absolute Surrender when he writes:

"We too often make our own plans and we think that we know what ought to be done. We ask God first to bless our feeble efforts, instead of absolutely refusing to go unless God go before us"

When I look at the way I view ministry, family, relationships, etc... the thought of absolutely refusing to go without Him, is such a key point we so easily miss! How often do I make plans for my future without first asking what God wants of me? My earthly desires and goals might not necessarily be the same things He has in store for me. It comes back to the idea of fully surrendering your life to God, so that your dreams and passions would be perfectly aligned with His, because you are choosing to live in Him, moment by moment.

"Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."Matthew 6:34 (the message)

I'm not sure why I am hesitant to let God take over every aspect of my future. There are recent parts I have freely given: work, housing, school... but then there are other things I still want to keep as my own. I want to continue making plans in these areas, and then crossing my fingers in hope that this God that I love so much will come through and bless MY plans. I KNOW that His plans are far greater than mine will ever be, because I have seen the work He has done in me, and the people around me. This amazing Lord I serve has opened doors for me time and time again, when I chose to pursue His plan for my life and not my own! Why do I even worry about what is going to happen in the future? I need to be worried about what God is doing in me and around me TODAY, not what happened last week, or what will be happening next month! Instead, I should be living in Him, with Him, in EVERY moment, and in EVERY aspect of my life- not just the parts I am willing to let Him have for the time being. My Savior deserves a lot more than bits and pieces.

The question always remains for me though, "Are you ready"? Will I decide to let go of the things I think I need control of? Or will I continue to hold back in hopes God will bless MY plans over His? The answer is simple- start living your life moment by moment with Him. Surrender your plans, your dreams, your desires and ask God for His- I can guarantee you wont regret it!

Lord, my prayer today is that I would learn the act of absolutely refusing to go anywhere unless You have gone before me. That my plans, my thoughts, my gifts, would be completely surrendered to You. Father, You know so much better than I do, and that is why You are God, and I am not. Thank you for loving me, even when I am forgetful that You have created me and know me inside and out, even better than I know myself.

He never gives up.

Lamentations 3:28-32 (The Message)

“When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions. Wait for hope to appear. Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face. The “worst” is never the worst.

Why? Because God won’t ever walk out and fail to return.”

Our Father is never going to give up on us! What an amazing thought.

There is a God who accepts just the way we are, imperfections and all, and He wants nothing more than relationship with us. He knows we are going to mess up, but He doesn’t care. He is always willing to forgive and forget. No one else in this crazy mixed up world will ever understand us the way He does. He knows everything about us, whether we like it or not. He knows what is best for our lives, even better than we think we do. All He wants is a relationship with us, is that so much to ask? Why do we constantly run and hide from the only one who will always be there - the one who waits for us to come to Him. Our creator, our Savior, knows we are a work in progress, He knows that we are going to fail, but He continues to love us and show us His amazing grace.. As soon as we fall, He is there to pick us right back up! His love his unceasing and will never change!

So, what to do with all of this? Return the favor! That’s least you can do! Love Him back! Talk to Him as much as you can! Worship Him. Serve Him. Praise Him. Live according to His plans and do what He tells you to! It seems so simple, yet we aren’t doing it!

God, what a privilege it is to serve you! To worship and love you! I thank you for being a God of grace and forgiveness. For taking us back even when no one else would! Father, I praise you for Your abundant love for me! My prayer today is that I would daily be reminded of what You have done, what You are doing, and what only You will do in days to come!

I will bring praise

As I was drinking a doppio espresso yesterday at Starbucks, I was reminded of Cambodia and their wonderful espresso at the FCC. I realized if all I did was reminise about the great coffee I had in Phnom Penn and not the people that I met, or the encounters that I had with the living God, then my entire trip was a waste. I came home and spent the next few hours asking my self the same question "What's next?" Would I walk away from this experience with a fresh perspective, or allow myself to be unchanged? I'm striving for the first option.

The people at New Life Church in Phnom Penh flipped my world upside down. They showed me how to love our God passionately, how to worship with out any reservation and how to share my love for Christ in all that I do. The majority of the church is 18-35 year olds, and are proudly 1st generation Christians. (Christianity wasn't introduced to Cambodia until about 1997, and is still not completely known in the Cambodian culture.) So needless to say, the church has some energy! Every person I met at New Life wanted to know my name, where I was from, and if I knew Jesus. I was shocked by that! They want everyone they know to experience Jesus Christ in the same way they do, so they tell them about Him! It seems so simple. The bible tells us to share Christ with everyone we meet- so they do! They have no example of what a church should look like, what a Christian should look like, and they got this crazy idea to read the bible, God's living Word, and DO WHAT IT SAYS. Such a strange concept huh?

One of the coolest experiences I had in Cambodia was in the Krangtinon Province, where New Life has a church plant. We got to do a program with their youth 16-20 somethings and spent sometime in worship. We sang songs that both churches knew and sand out loud, them in Khmer and us in English. We were all singing and dancing and having this amazing time of Worship, when suddenly, a thunderstorm hits the village and the generator blows. We have no lights, no sound, and the Khmer people KEEP SINGING. Our team kind of stopped, looked around, like what do we do?? We followed their lead and continued to praise God with everything that's in us! My eyes welled up with tears at that very moment, because I knew our team finally got it.

The bible gives us story after story of people who were passionate worshippers and followers of Jesus Christ. What if we, as a generation, decided to open up our bibles and do what the Word tells us to do? It would be a radical change. What if we stopped listening to what our culture says "church" should look like, what "worship" should like, and took the bible literally. Could you imagine what our services would look like? I've seen it!! Christians dancing, singing, raising their hands, speaking in tongues, on their knees worshipping God- because that's what they read in the Word! Christians praying bolding for their friends, family, schools, and everyone they know- that they would come to know this God that they have fallen so passionately in love with! Can you imagine?



God, I humbly come before you and thank you for the experience in Krangtinon. Thank you for opening my eyes, for waking me up and allowing me to see what it means to be passionate about you, Father! My prayer today is that, our generation would be woken up. That we would dig into your Word, and experience You in new ways. That our times of worship would be forever changed. That the people we encounter everyday, would know of Your love, because we told them. I pray that we would be a generation that is CLEARLY in love with You.